What happens in Vegas... stays in Vegas!

That said, I wanted to give a brief match report from the tournament. This is the "family friendly" part of the trip, so you can read this email in front of your kids without any worries. (Assuming you want your kids to turn out like Dio, that is).

After three years of "Ocean's Seven" we decided that name was a little old, and so we re-named ourselves "Off Constantly".

The thinking behind this was sound. Having never practiced or played as a team, we needed a formula that would guarantee victory. The winning strategy was based not on fitness, skill, or even on Kemal, but on the assumption that none of the teams we were likely to face would be able to beat off constantly.

Unfortunately, we were wrong about this and lost the first game. It was a sloppy game with both sides struggling to find their feet. In the end, it was a close run thing: we lost by a try. Our team suffered from the usual problems you get when you have never played as a team before and have not played sevens in a while either (or ever in the case of Cody).

After that, the team found its rhythm (by which I mean: developed a good system for getting the ball to Kemal), after which we were undefeated.

We won our second game against the "Godeyville Knights" by a convincing margin (I lost count). After that, our reputation spread and the third game was forfeited to us when the cleverly named MCGSWCC team fled rather than face the prospect of being humiliated by us. Our fourth group game was also a fairly comfortable victory, against a team called the RETARDS. Despite their name, these guys did actually know how to play rugby and were not all a bunch of overweight forwards.

So coming out of the groups, we were 3 and 1, and made it through to the next round, where we faced the prospect of facing a first division team from the UK with 15 subs and pink shorts (??), the Fiji national squad, or some other similar fate.

Aparently, the Las Vegas hosts had decided to "mix it up a bit" by folding all three divisions into one after the group phases, thereby pitting professional sevens players from England and Fiji against guys who were drinking beer at half time.

At this point, we decided to forfeit and go to the pub, relatively injury free.

Man of the Tournament: Kemal Mokeddem, for basically doing all of the hard work (running, tackling, scoring tries) Cheekiest try: Jaco Pretorius, for a darting SH attack from a scrum under their posts.

Thanks to all who made it for a solid performance in both showing up and playing some good rugby.